The shitiest week of all our shit weeks put together x 37.6

Hi Beer Aficionados,

This blog contains some real emotion & I’ve used some offensive language, so if your easily offended please don’t read another word. 

Cant believe your reading on, your field of fucks like us is all kinds of baron!  

I sincerely hope you’ve had a better week than us, because this has been a shitter. This week we’ve had yet more power supply issues, the same phase we lost last Friday decided to have another go at being a dick. We are now on first name terms with Sally @ Electricity North West. To be fair she’s a diamond and got a team out to the transformer ASAP Rocky and we was back to chilling beer in no time. If your electricity falls off, you hear a crack or the smell of burning phone 105. #publicservice

To be honest, the electricity is the least of our worries at the minute. We had a visit from Trading Standards, now I’m not going to name names but Caroline has thrown a large amount of shit into our fan and it’s made a right fucking mess. In the last 15 months we’ve really tried our best to do everything right and drive Farm Yard forwards.

Darius, Lorna, my family and I have been busting our bolloks and Thursday was the first time I’ve said “why the fuck have I bothered” 😔 A few points were made....

1. Our £255 weighing scales don’t have the correct CE markings.

2. Having to become a registered® food producer to feed our own livestock our spent grains. It’s less paperwork to throw it on the shit heap.

3. We had a plastic mash tun shovel with some spent grains left on it from digging out the mash tun, she then proceeded to ask about pest control measures, I thought to myself we don’t have a trap big enough for you.

4. Having to provide a detailed analysis of the spent grain to my Dad so he knows the fibre content of the cow food.

5. The main problem we are faced with is our small pack has all the ingredients and allergens on the label but because they aren’t in BOLD this isn’t acceptable. The repercussion of this is all our small pack needs to be recalled, we need to get over 10,000 small stickers made with the allergens in BOLD. These then need to be fitted to every single can and bottle by hand, unable to sell our small pack until this is in place. We are having to email everyone who has purchased beer from our website to make sure they haven’t died incase they are unable to read words that aren’t in BOLD . Throwing our current label stock away at a cost of £4700, the hours to rectify this problem, fines of £5600 for recalling our products. An estimated total cost to our small business of £16,484. All this because these words aren’t in BOLD.......

 Barely, Wheat, Oats, Lactose 

That’s £4121 per word or £749.27 per letter. They say every cloud has a silver lining but I’m really struggling to see it. I take full responsibility, but can’t help feeling there is no common sense or human judgment #computersaysno. All This has been implemented by Trading Standards without thinking of the enormous impact and expense this puts on a small business, on top of the £350,000 bank loan, we are now hoping we can borrow another 4%. I was hoping to reduce the amount of time I spend driving up and down the motorway with udder juice but it looks like my decisions are being made for me. Tonight’s blog comes at you from a dairy in Aspatria. 

If any of our competitors are reading this please make sure your up to scratch with your labels, what we are having to do isn’t much fun. Guidance and further information can be found here......

Now on to the positive bits, I had bacon for breakfast twice this week. 

Catch all you dudes next week if I haven’t thrown the towel in and moved to Peru to live in the jungle and eat marmalade. I don’t want any sympathy but I do want your money so keep buying our beer 🍺 


Our non compliant grain being fed to our non compliant cows in our non compliant grain bins. I have told the livestock to see allergens in BOLD, Barley, What & Oats. 

Steven HolmesComment